… from the department of I wouldn’t be at all surprised…

From “The Day Today”, 1993

Hello you. The Day Today head-news thus far. the Department of Education today announced that ugly children will be banned from schools because they put the other pupils off. A recent report shows that ugly children are unpopular, they cause disruption by being teased, and they conduct themselves in an increasingly twisted way as they become more aware of their ghastly looks. From next term children will be measured with a hideousness-gauge designed to eliminate those with irregular or concave faces, swollen eyelids, undersized heads and the looks of an old man. Teachers Union leaders today welcomed the new regulations, adding ‘their dismissal will also remove their parents who are often equally offensive

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